My Second Trip to Haiti

7-5-07
I’m on a plane going to Miami. The takeoff was bumpy. But, the sky is beautiful. Clouds spring up like towers. Rivers cut the land like muddy ribbons. Square and rectangle farms spread to the limit of vision. Now, clouds form mountain ranges with jagged peaks. (My throat is sore. Please Lord, heal me.) More rivers this time blue. I’m tired. I’m nervous. I’m thinking about my two year commitment of moving to Haiti. Do I have the will to set my heart on this? No. I don’t, but Lord you are awesome. I should do this. I know in my heart. I should do this. I will miss my parents, my brother, his wife, Robby and Andy, Valley Park Chapel and the Impact kids. But, what will I gain? Twenty-five daughters! A chance to depend on the Lord for all I need. On this trip, Lord, I want to honor you. Lord, please guide me. Please keep me in your presence. Lord, be mighty. Work in this broken man. Take me where you want me to be.

Later – Sitting in the Miami airport watching the lightning. It’s spotty. I can’t tell which way it’s moving. The fire alarm strobes were going off on the level above of us. I had visions of a mass evacuation. But, it didn’t happen. When flying in I saw some amazing circle farms that looked like works of art. We flew right over Tampa. I could see the Skyway Bridge, the bay, the city, the gulf, and the Moon all at once! Out the terminal windows the sky has grown angrier. The lightning is crazy. Now, I really hope the fire alarm doesn’t go off. Why am I here? Do I mean, why am I in the airport going to Haiti? Or do I mean, why am I here on Earth? I don’t know why I just felt like asking that question. Lord, why am I here? I want to serve you. I want to live a life pleasing to you. Please, O Lord, be my courage and my heart for I feel weak. Lord, give me firmness of will. I love you, Lord. I will praise your Name.

Later – We got held in Miami overnight, weather and plane problems. The airline put us up in a hotel. I have a big room to myself. Well, I need to sleep.



7-6-07
Flying to Haiti. I just saw a rainbow in the clouds. (Oh, yesterday I saw a bull’s-eye rainbow.) As we travel, Lord, I ask that you give us mercy. Help me to love those little girls at the house. Help me give of myself. Help me. The clouds! They look like towns and castles! I enjoy seeing all the people on the plane and at the airport. A million stories, souls, broken hearts, loves, sorrows, joys... Lord, bless them all. Lord, give me the heart to serve.

Later – We’ve been here at the house all day. I’ve been playing with the girls a lot. I taped plastic over the windows of the van because the starter burned up. It’s a long story. We saw a building burning down. It was crazy. I’m sitting on the roof. I want to pray. O Lord, help me. Give me courage. Give me courage! I need the will to act, the will to be a man, the will to be your man, O Lord. Please, allow something to come of this trip. Give me the will to stick with what I decide. O Lord, be my king. Take my life. Please, O Lord, show me your power. I will praise you.



7-7-07
Back home today they had the Impact 30th reunion (the youth group where I’m a leader). Well, today I swam in the Caribbean Sea. Ha! I would have enjoyed seeing some people from the past, but I felt I should come to Haiti. We did go to the beach and it was a lot of fun. There was this married Brazilian/Portuguese guy that was hitting on the girls. It made me upset. Actually “upset” is the wrong word. It made me sick. I hate guys like that. I hate the ease at which they can talk to girls. I hate how they treat their wives and the girls they hit on. But, enough of that. Driving to and from the beach I saw some sights I wish I had been able to get pictures of. Two, extraordinarily muscular, grey beards cutting palm fronds (They should have been warriors not farmers.). A little bitty girl riding a donkey while whacking him with a stick. A speckled goat munching freshly cut funeral flowers. At the house Fena hit a ball over the wall, so Vanessa and I went to get it. I had to jump around on a pile of rocks with the girls yelling down to me. It was fun. Tomorrow, I may speak at the youth meeting. O Lord, I trust in you.




7-8-07
I’m sitting on the roof. It just rained on me fortunately it was just a sprinkle. It was cool. The sky is crazy. Beautiful, I mean. Today was church. It was good. It was hot and long, but I enjoyed it. I spoke at the youth meeting tonight. It was an experience. I was nervous. I gave my testimony and just shared a few verses. It was fun. (It started raining harder so I came inside.) I hope I was able to share with them well. It is in your hands, O Lord. Lord, guide me in all things. I praise you and I will tell of your works to all who will listen. Lord, I am yours and I long to serve you. I praise your Name!



7-9-07
Where do I begin? Today I went to VBS (Vacation Bible School). We had about 70 kids or so. I played football and baseball with the kids. Well, we just threw around the football and I tried to show them how to bat. I talked a lot with some of the older teens. They were teaching me Creole. I’d point to something and they’d say the Creole word. I’d try to pronounce it and they would all laugh. Then I went with Carole to the auto parts store. Sounds simple, but it’s not. We passed this place where they slaughter goats (for voodoo I think) and leave the carcasses lying around. The garage owner beat his employee after he shot sparks on me. I’m white so that means I’m rich and I represent business. In that part of town there is a huge slum. Words, words, words! I need words to describe it. Squalor. Rank. Horrifying. A mound of trash that is home to hundreds if not thousands. A river of human waste. It is not poverty that makes you sad. It’s poverty that scares you. I think I’m in shock. It is night and I see the lights of the wealthy up on the hill. I condemn them for their indifference. Yet I sit up on my hill called American and cast only a backward glance at the all need. And for some reason I think that is enough. O Lord, change me! Give me a heart of flesh not stone. Let me be a man after your own heart. Teach me to love with deeds and not only words. Teach me, O Lord! Teach me! Lord, be my all in all. Be my King. Be my Lord. Be my all. Change me, please. O Lord, open my heart. Break it to reshape it in your image. Break me to fix me. Make me a new man. And may that new man be a servant useful to you.

7-10-07
Today was interesting. I stayed at the house. I worked on fixing the toilet. It wasn’t fun, but it was necessary. I watched some of the classes that the others did with girls. I love these little orphans. I played with them a lot. I played their rock game which is kind of like Jacks. I did some goofy things like standing on my hands and stuff. O Lord, please help me. I long to serve you, O Lord. I know my thoughts are torn between you and this world. Purify my heart. Give me a heart to serve. O Lord, please break my heart only to mend it the way you want it. O Lord, I am yours. Use me!

7-11-07
Okay, so today I fixed the toilet with the guard and Evers. Yesterday, I didn’t get the job done. But, today we tore the whole thing apart. Tonight we had a birthday party for the girls. It was fun. Then we found a rat in Carole’s bathroom. One of the guys trapped it in the trashcan. Nobody wanted to kill it. So I took it to the roof and killed it with the machete. I threw it over the side into the rock pile. I don’t want to leave! I want to stay. It sounds funny after working on a toilet and dealing with rats. But, I want to stay. (Lightning is playing all across the Western sky.) You, O Lord, are mighty! You are my King! I don’t want to leave. I want to stay and serve you. I want to stay!

7-12-07
Well, I’m sitting in the Miami airport. The flight out of Haiti was four hours late. Then the ramp was broken when we got here. I missed my connecting flight. So... I’m flying to Orlando tonight and on to St. Louis in the morning. The airline claims it will give me a hotel. They wouldn’t give me meal vouchers, so I grabbed a piece of pizza. I’m glad I did because the place closed right after I walked in. Also, I hadn’t eaten anything since leaving the house except the French cheese crackers on the plane. Leaving the house-- the flight to Orlando is late! –-was very hard. I want to play with the girls everyday. This morning I saw Hosanna still lying in bed. I went in and sang with her. “Amazing Grace” is awesome in Creole just as it is in English (and probably every other language). She is so sweet. It was a very touching moment for me. Lovia was very standoffish. It made me sad. I gave out candy as I left. They all came over and gave me hugs. They all looked very sad that I was leaving. I guess I probably did too. Lord, keep those little girls in your hand. Protect all the workers who are still there. Give them strength. Allow them to be changed, O Lord.

7-13-07
2am EST – I’m in the terminal of the Orlando airport. It’s only me and the cleaning guy. I’m tired. I’m sick. I stink. (A very attractive portrait of myself I know but what am I to do?) No hotel for me and I have about three hours until I can get some food. So you all get treated to the sleep deprived ramblings of a half-crazed airport dweller. Still thinking of Haiti. But, I must admit already the cares and concerns of this world come crushing in. Work, Ezra Crane, money... All cloud my vision. Not to mention concerns for the future. O Lord, all is in your hands. Grant me peace. Grant me a little sleep. To be able to love those little girls in Haiti I will sleep in an airport, go hungry for awhile and much, much more.

Later – Well, I got a couple hours of sleep. The floor of the airport is not all that comfortable, but I won’t complain. I woke up about 4 am and ate at Burger King. I took my Malaria med and had a bottle of really good chocolate milk. Now, I’m waiting. Lord, I thank you for your provision.