Why am I going to Haiti?

I wrote this for the What Madness website, so people will know why it's not being updated.

I’m moving to Haiti. Yes, that Haiti. I’m going to teach English and Bible and help manage an orphanage. I’ll be living in Port-au-Prince and working with AHBZ.

Needless to say, this means What Madness Productions is in flux. I hope to shoot video in Haiti. Maybe cut together a few short documentaries. And I’m continuing to work on my screenwriting. But as far as a true What Madness Production it remains unclear. As Yoda says, "Always in motion is the future."

So, why am I doing this? The main reason is because when I was 13 I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. The Bible tells me that I must be like him so...

A couple of years ago I had the chance to go on a work team to Haiti. I didn’t want to go. I was scared of what the Lord would show me. But I went anyway. I saw first hand the great need in that country and I was very moved by the orphans. I thought of making a documentary (I mean, I’m a filmmaker after all). My heart was racing. People need to know! People need to help! I wanted other people to know about the suffering in Haiti. I wanted other people to help. But I realized the Lord had shown someone the need. He had shown me.

Now, I had a choice to make. I could obey or disobey.

Also, around that time I was reading The Journals of Jim Elliot, The Cost of Discipleship and the book of Jeremiah. If you are happy with your spiritual life. If you are following God to the utmost. If you have this life mastered. Do. Not. Read. These. Books. But if you want to serve God. If you want to know how serious our commitment to the Lord should be. Read. Them. Now. They will push you. They will break you. But you will be better in the end.

During this same time I picked up another book (I’ll not mention the title). It was written recently by a Christian, who is very well intentioned. It deals with cinema, being an artist and being a Christian. It taught me a lot. It taught me how pathetic, bloodless, empty and self-centered a modern “artistic life” can be. It taught me that I have done nothing in my life except seek pleasure for myself.

I had set up my own comfort as a god and fitted it with a mask. A mask so convincing that it even fooled me. I read the Bible all the time. I studied it. I taught it. I believed that it was true. But that was as far as it went. "Love your neighbor as yourself." "Spend yourself in behalf of the hungry." All this stayed on the page.

The Lord tore off the mask and my god of comfort crumbled. I had a choice to make...

What is your biggest fear?

This question has come up a number of times recently. I’ve given a variety of answers. Malaria. Dengue Fever. Crime. Hurricanes. Being alone. But are these my biggest fears?

They are certainly concerns that need to be respected. Being alone is a creeping fear that resurfaces to plague me occasionally. But even though the Lord has denied me a wife (so far) he has given 26 daughters that I must learn love. Not exactly an empty quiver. (Of course, the standard reply I get if I mention this fear is “we’re never alone when God is with us.” This is true. And when it comes from a Christian, who has lived out a faithful life of terrible loneliness, I curse myself and ask for forgiveness. When it comes from a Christian younger than me, who is married and living a ridiculously comfortable life, I curse my brother and ask for forgiveness.)

So what is my biggest fear? What terrifies me? What about moving to a foreign land scares me? That along with my books and plans and ideas and bug spray I bring along myself.

I mean my lazy, corrupt, self-centered, mean, grumpy, whiney, immoral, sinful, old self. In short, my biggest fear is that I’ll be ineffective and un-useful to the Lord.

I want to bring my renewed self, my transformed self, my redeemed self. So that I may be useful to the Lord. That he may allow me to be an instrument in his hand. And that people will see Christ in all I do and say.

Container Daze

Thursday I sold my truck. It was a major answer to prayer. All that I now own is a computer, some clothes and about 1,200 books.


Friday I packed several boxes of my things for the container. I'm still wondering how I'm going to get a selection of books down to Haiti. About 60 pounds of books actually. I guess the real question is will I be able to read that many?

Today I helped load a container that is bound for Haiti. What did we put on the container? Let's see...

Peanut butter. Clothes. Toys. Pipe. Lumber. Bunk beds. Tile. Speakers. More clothes. More toys. Desks. Tables. More beds. Canned goods. Books. A swing set. Office supplies. Wire. Nails. Tubs. Plywood. More Plywood. My screenwriting library. A little green wagon. And the kitchen sink.

I would have more pictures, but I spent most of the day inside the container packing boxes and other items. We had fun. And nobody got hurt! Well, one guy got his head stuck between about 300 pounds of plywood. But it's all fine now.



I can almost hear that music from 2001: A Space Odyssey...

Who would've guessed?

Oh, I got a camera. Hence the pictures.

Isaiah 58

This chapter always gets me. Actually, it grabbed a hold of me years ago and has never let go. It makes me tremble.

We are saved by faith and not by works, but then what? What comes after the trusting? What comes after the salvation? Do we continue to sin making light of God’s indescribable gift? Should Sunday be the only day we consider the things of the Lord? Should our spiritual journey be focused on ourselves? Or should it be focused on others? Should we commit sin then be sorry about it? Or should we like Phinehas take up a spear and put sin to death?

I encourage you to read the chapter and think about it. Pay special attention to the word “then.” See what comes before it and what comes after it.

Isaiah 58 (NIV)

1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Hmmm...

Days feel like they are slipping away. Everything is moving. The day I move to Haiti is quickly approaching. I’m busy with preparations. I’m worried I won’t get things done in time. I’m worried that I worried.

So what do I do? Start writing another screenplay.

I had taken a bit of a break from writing last year. I wanted to read more. (Happily, I can report that I have done so.) But the main reason I took a break? Because early last year I realized I’m a bad writer.

Around May or June ’08 I picked up a screenplay I had just “finished.” My intention was to read it through, do a little polish and submit it to some production companies.

I read it in one sitting. I put it down and almost retched. I wanted to flee. I wanted to join the French Foreign Legion. I even picked out my alias: Jean-Baptiste Chevalier. But a vision of lying in a trench in Chad and sharing a toothbrush with a French Canadian arsonist called “Leon” on a day the temperature clawed at 120F brought me back to reality.

Well, maybe not reality. But anyway...

For the first time in my life I was able to tell what was good and what was bad in my own writing. Or at least I saw a glimmer of what was good and bad.

I grabbed the screenplay and started cutting. Ninety-three pages turned into forty-five pages. I cut. And I cut some more. I pushed the whole story into thirty-six pages.

I noticed something. Those thirty-six pages were pretty good. Not James Cameron good. Not Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio good. Heck, not professional writer good. But pretty good.

To my surprise the story then took on a life of its own. I was able take those thirty-six pages and produce a ninety-six page complete screenplay almost in no time. It turned out to be the best thing I have ever written.

I decided not to submit it anywhere. But why? Because it’s still not up to standards.

I read it again recently. There are mistakes. Oh man, are there mistakes. Things that mark me as an amateur. Things that could be so much better.

But, I learned an important lesson. I can now see those mistakes. If I can tell something’s bad I can fix it. If I can’t fix it and can at least make it better. I’ve learned to press the story and to mine the concept.

I realized I had been polishing first drafts. A little touch up here. A little tweak there. But I wasn’t writing. I wasn’t doing the work. In short, I was lazy.

So this time I’m trying not the skip any steps. For the first time I can point to a theme and talk about it. I’m doing research. I’ve tested the concept. I’ve pushed and expanded the concept. I’ve even added a second concept. Best of all, I’m having fun doing it.

But, I still have no idea why I started writing it now...

Journal Entry 4-7-09

I haven’t posted a random, rambling journal entry in awhile so I picked this one from last week. I was trying to get my head on straight and just pouring out my heart to the Lord. Everything seems to be spinning faster and faster as I near moving to Haiti. Things get done. Plans are made. But sometimes I get wrapped up in worry. Enjoy:

"O Lord, my soul is restless and weary. I am lost and consumed by sin. So often I seek to trade your grace for a moment of pleasure. I’m a fool. I’m ashamed.

O Lord! I’m racked with shame and guilt. My mind is twisted with worry. My body is pieced with many pains. I’m a shadow of a man. An outline. A fragment. A piece of cloth cast upon the wind. I am blown away. I fly far from you. I trust my foolish fantasies forsaking your true plan.

Lord, come to this broken man. Come to me and be strong and loving. Break me even more, so that I may know your power. Break me, Lord, but then fill me. Fill me so you may shine through me. You, O Lord, are my courage. You, O Lord, are my wisdom. You, O Lord, are my life.

Don not let my worry and anxiety drive me from you. O Lord, forgive me!

Take me in your hands and hold me. Shelter me beneath your wings. Calm my anxious heart with singing. Soothe my tears with your great love. Remind me of the kindness of your heart.

Lord, forgive my sin. For your Name’s sake forgive my sin.

I will turn from sin. It will not rule over me. I will stand in your will. I will walk in your ways. I will rejoice in your presence. Let me realize your majesty. Let me see your glory.

Lord, I’m trusting in you. You, O Lord, deserve to be trusted."

Psalm 143

I finished reading the Psalms a few days ago. I’m always impressed by the writers’ dedication and their reliance on the Lord. Here’s one that stood out:

Psalm 143 (NIV)
A psalm of David.
1 O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah
7 Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.